just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
