i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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