never play flip cup with pint glasses
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
