Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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