I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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