True but thats because hes a fetus.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
