the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
