I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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