i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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