WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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