Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
