why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
