I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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