i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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