atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
