I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
