I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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