I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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