Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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