If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
