its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
