did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
