Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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