Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
