she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
