BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
