i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
