i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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