All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
