Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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