Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
