My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
PANTIES FOUND
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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