matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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