Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
