I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
