The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You need a sexual gate keeper
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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