ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
