Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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