This house was built for laser tag.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
