Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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