I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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