my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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