I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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