i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
