I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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