yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
