I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
