i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
