so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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