So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
