Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
