i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
