I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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