She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
