My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
