would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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