I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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