Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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