I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
