We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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