you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
