I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
