I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
