That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am puke
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
