Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
