your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
